Secret scoop: Otakus planning a revolution.

In the news recently, stories of attacks on the otaku community in Akiba by punk ass youth who target these poor uber-geeks because they are totally defenseless AND they carry tons of money to buy Gundam toys with. Well, most people don't know this yet, but the otakus are planning a major attack on the punks in the very near future. The exact date is a secret, but I can tell you this: It's going to be crazy. Like, the way Nostradamus predicted the world would end. The revolutionary coup will involve never-before-used weapons such as idol trading cards and golden bazookas, and will result in the addition of a fifth island to the Japanese archipelago constructed with spare gadget parts in the shape of Mario's head. Stay tuned for more breaking news on this topic.