Mysterious death of an Imperial Guard--the REAL truth.

A very suspicious story about a dead Imperial Guard officer on the palace grounds in Tokyo today. The news reports claim it was an apparent suicide, but I find it very hard to believe that a dedicated 19 year old servant of the royal family would shoot himself in the head. Besides, Japanese people would much rather jump off train tracks than pick up a handgun. So I did some digging on my own, and here's what I think based on some top-secret investigative leads: 1. Dick Cheney accidently shot him. 2. Colonel Mustard killed him in the bathroom with a five-pound block of soap. 3. The crown prince did it because he couldn't figure out why his wife's baby boy looked like the guy guarding his secret Ultraman collection. Read what the ignorant real news reporters think here.