New government program will help get rid of fake sushi joints. Yay!

Great news. The Ministry of Agriculture has just relieved me of my lifelong mission to educate white people on how to identify real Japanese food. Starting next year, they will be introducing a program that certifies restaurants serving authentic Japanese cuisine in foreign countries. Living in the US, the one thing that always irked the shit out of me is the plethora of fake Japanese restaurants that contaminate every city from Boston to San Francisco. And the sad thing is, a lot of white people actually enjoy eating at these places. "Monster Sushi is sooo good!" They'd say. Or, "Have you been to that Korean/Chinese/Japanese restaurant downtown?" So I always have to tell them that any sushi restaurant with words like "monster" or "mambo" or "rock star" are probably not authentic. And that any place that serves food from more than one country (and yes, China and Japan are two different countries) probably isn't genuine. With this wonderful new program, maybe restaurants run by imposters will stop stuffing their sushi platters with cheap fish and too much soy sauce-soaked rice.