Phallic alien shoe cleaner.

I know what you're thinking. Something straight out of a sex toy store, right? Wrong. This is Shoe Pure. With the touch of a button, you can switch this plastic happy-egg-with-two-lap-pinkies from disinfect and deodorize to dry mode. Using infinite amounts of ozone power and 70 watts of electricity, this awesome device--which weighs about as much as a tea cup chihuahua and is almost as tall as your toilet bowl--will make your shoes smell like sugar and cream in just 10, 20, or 30 minutes, depending on how long you set the alien-glow timer for. It's 11,800 yen. Get yours here.